Let's call him the rabbit.
The rabbit is an older story of mine. We've been working together for some time, and I haven't quite figured him out so far.
Moreover, he has such a shocking way of pushing everyone away whomever tries to approach him, that one has to just quit ever trying anything near to that.
Why I was still trying, after hitting against this wall of indifference for one too many times, I don't really know. Maybe it's my unshakable belief in discovering the beautiful and good in people.
Fact is, today I talked to him about it, and I am afraid I came over somewhat differently than I wished.
What I wanted to tell him was I wanted to get to know him better.
That I sometimes have the feeling that we could be friends.
That you don't have anything to lose if you reveal some things about yourself.
That beginnings are sometimes harsh, and you have to take some risks, but they are always worth it. Even if you should turn out wrong.
That the people you know and the friends you make throughout your life are everything you are left with in the end.
That I think there is something worth loving in everyone and that discovering that one thing is the most accomplishing feeling you can have in life.
What I actually told him was that I thought he was interesting, although the most introverted person I know.
"If I am so introverted and never talk to you, how can you tell I'm interesting?"
Which brings us to the end of this part: never try to outrun a rabbit. He will always run faster than you can speak out your mind.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Mad post
Sometimes I can't help but thinking that the most depressive people are the ones who get obsessively bored with their lives.
So I know this girl, let's call her the pussy-cat. The pussycat has never had a real job in her entire life, although she's almost 27 now. She still lives with her parents and, although not being without some kind of intelligence and beauty, she has neither a boyfriend nor any close friends.
She isn't interested with anything that happens outside her narrow little universe*, has no clue about human relationshipping and keeps obsessing about her sad little life and the fact that fate was so deeply unfair with her, as she has nothing that could make her feel accomplished and attractive to others.
Here's where I have to say - that's true. My dear, life is no passive item that goes by unacknowledged, nor any beforehand established chain of events that will happen no matter what your actions are or are not. I think the power to change lies with ourselves, and weeping about our sad little existence will not lead to major changes, nor to any kind of alteration in our relationships.
So if you feel unattractive and unloved and lonely beyond the usual ups and downs that pass us all in the course of our lives - it's probably true and that's who you are.
Now if you expect mercy and pity from my part - it will not come. For I don't see how myself showing pity could ever help you get along with your oh-so-miserable existence. Moreover, don't expect me to be your friend out of pity - as I never was a mercy-fuck to anybody and don't intend to start with it at this old age.
I never had any understanding for whiners, as I have been meeting real misery and suffering during the years and that doesn't ever match up with weeping. So if you want me to help you solve your problem, or listen to you - I will, gladly. However long it takes, if at the end I can see you getting on your feet and taking charge of your life again, I will be there for you.
But if the mere intention of your weeping is me mercy-fucking you (physically or intellectually), you're barking up the wrong tree. I never was extraordinary merciful and never pitied out of pure desire to come over as a "good" person. Moreover, I don't think that my role as a friend or listener is to feel sorry for you, but to make you see beyond your own (subjective) point of view and don't get stuck on preconceived ideas.
I guess that doesn't make me a desirable person after all, but I really hope that for my special few it makes me a better friend.
*Quotation from the pussycat, when some guy told her he went to Afghanistan: "So did you go there on vacation? How was it?"
So I know this girl, let's call her the pussy-cat. The pussycat has never had a real job in her entire life, although she's almost 27 now. She still lives with her parents and, although not being without some kind of intelligence and beauty, she has neither a boyfriend nor any close friends.
She isn't interested with anything that happens outside her narrow little universe*, has no clue about human relationshipping and keeps obsessing about her sad little life and the fact that fate was so deeply unfair with her, as she has nothing that could make her feel accomplished and attractive to others.
Here's where I have to say - that's true. My dear, life is no passive item that goes by unacknowledged, nor any beforehand established chain of events that will happen no matter what your actions are or are not. I think the power to change lies with ourselves, and weeping about our sad little existence will not lead to major changes, nor to any kind of alteration in our relationships.
So if you feel unattractive and unloved and lonely beyond the usual ups and downs that pass us all in the course of our lives - it's probably true and that's who you are.
Now if you expect mercy and pity from my part - it will not come. For I don't see how myself showing pity could ever help you get along with your oh-so-miserable existence. Moreover, don't expect me to be your friend out of pity - as I never was a mercy-fuck to anybody and don't intend to start with it at this old age.
I never had any understanding for whiners, as I have been meeting real misery and suffering during the years and that doesn't ever match up with weeping. So if you want me to help you solve your problem, or listen to you - I will, gladly. However long it takes, if at the end I can see you getting on your feet and taking charge of your life again, I will be there for you.
But if the mere intention of your weeping is me mercy-fucking you (physically or intellectually), you're barking up the wrong tree. I never was extraordinary merciful and never pitied out of pure desire to come over as a "good" person. Moreover, I don't think that my role as a friend or listener is to feel sorry for you, but to make you see beyond your own (subjective) point of view and don't get stuck on preconceived ideas.
I guess that doesn't make me a desirable person after all, but I really hope that for my special few it makes me a better friend.
*Quotation from the pussycat, when some guy told her he went to Afghanistan: "So did you go there on vacation? How was it?"
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Subject.
In order to keep the flame burning in a relationship, discussions between lovers ought to be meaningful, deep and true.
The duck-bob household is faithful to this belief.
Topic 1: What happens if a bird gets in the propeller of an airplane? It is dangerous? Do the remains of the bird splash on the airplane window? Do you actually see the blood splashing around?
Time: 45 min.
Result (after calling bob's dad, the final authority in the field): No. Because that would mean that the plane is standing still (centrifugal effect and all). The remains of the bird are pushed towards the back of the propeller. No bloodstains on the windows...
However, if the aiplane has a turboreactor, you're in deep shit if a bird gets in the engine. I hate to be the one to tell you that....have a nice flight!
Topic 2: How many people would have to die so that the bob-duck couple becomes king and queen of Romania?
Time: 25-30 min.
Result: Many many many, as neither bob nor the duck is a Hohenzoller. But then again, after all those people died, aristocracy and all, who would want to be king/queen of a country of peasants? So screw the monarchic dreams of bob-duck!
Deep shit, eh?
:-))))))))
Other news: Went to a wedding today; duck got salmonella poisoning just hours before the wedding (he was the groom's best man), guess weddings scare the crap our of him:))); read "Catcher in the rye" ten years too late - nice book though; ate strawberries for the first time this year; miss some dear friends.
The duck-bob household is faithful to this belief.
Topic 1: What happens if a bird gets in the propeller of an airplane? It is dangerous? Do the remains of the bird splash on the airplane window? Do you actually see the blood splashing around?
Time: 45 min.
Result (after calling bob's dad, the final authority in the field): No. Because that would mean that the plane is standing still (centrifugal effect and all). The remains of the bird are pushed towards the back of the propeller. No bloodstains on the windows...
However, if the aiplane has a turboreactor, you're in deep shit if a bird gets in the engine. I hate to be the one to tell you that....have a nice flight!
Topic 2: How many people would have to die so that the bob-duck couple becomes king and queen of Romania?
Time: 25-30 min.
Result: Many many many, as neither bob nor the duck is a Hohenzoller. But then again, after all those people died, aristocracy and all, who would want to be king/queen of a country of peasants? So screw the monarchic dreams of bob-duck!
Deep shit, eh?
:-))))))))
Other news: Went to a wedding today; duck got salmonella poisoning just hours before the wedding (he was the groom's best man), guess weddings scare the crap our of him:))); read "Catcher in the rye" ten years too late - nice book though; ate strawberries for the first time this year; miss some dear friends.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The new man
"Since I started loving the girl, we don't have wild sex anymore, I just feel like caressing her."
"Why can't I have her, that I want, while the other one keeps ringing me?"
"I love you. Come on, go boheme!"
"I would hook up with another girl, but wouldn't that mean that I am unfaithful to her, whom I really love?"
"It's not like we are surrounded by dozens and dozens of women. Sometimes you have to know your limits."
"I wouldn't have slept with her anyway. Why should I meddle in such a long-term relationship, just for an one-night stand?"
Duck, elephant, turtle, squirrel, kitten, meerkat. Some more. All smart, accomplished and gorgeous men.
Being there for me when I needed a a soft shoulder. Asking why I didn't feel well. Telling me I'm beautiful when I needed it. Crying on my shoulder when he felt week. Making me coffee in the morning. Laughing at me when I felt on the street, but being there to pick me up. Forwarding me an email that I wrote ages ago in which I promised I will never stop being thankful for having friends. Calling when I was ill. Calling when I was happy, just to share. Calling when he was happy. Kissing me on the forehead. Being concerned when I lost too much weight. Telling me to look after his ex, because she is so insecure. Teaching me to love. Calling in the middle of the night. Drunk-sms-ing me just to share a feeling. Communicating. Fighting againgst forbidden feelings. Lying out of insecurity. Falling in love and never admitting it. Being jealous. Never leaving me any other choice but to love him.
The new type of man is responsible, shows feelings, speaks up for himself, is surprisingly emancipated, dreams of one great love and keeps trying.
For this, my dear boys, I bow to you.
LE: This post was a thank you note for all the support I received from my friends over the last weeks, even if I was so stupid as to keep silence on my need for it. I am very thankful for having you, my dears.
"Why can't I have her, that I want, while the other one keeps ringing me?"
"I love you. Come on, go boheme!"
"I would hook up with another girl, but wouldn't that mean that I am unfaithful to her, whom I really love?"
"It's not like we are surrounded by dozens and dozens of women. Sometimes you have to know your limits."
"I wouldn't have slept with her anyway. Why should I meddle in such a long-term relationship, just for an one-night stand?"
Duck, elephant, turtle, squirrel, kitten, meerkat. Some more. All smart, accomplished and gorgeous men.
Being there for me when I needed a a soft shoulder. Asking why I didn't feel well. Telling me I'm beautiful when I needed it. Crying on my shoulder when he felt week. Making me coffee in the morning. Laughing at me when I felt on the street, but being there to pick me up. Forwarding me an email that I wrote ages ago in which I promised I will never stop being thankful for having friends. Calling when I was ill. Calling when I was happy, just to share. Calling when he was happy. Kissing me on the forehead. Being concerned when I lost too much weight. Telling me to look after his ex, because she is so insecure. Teaching me to love. Calling in the middle of the night. Drunk-sms-ing me just to share a feeling. Communicating. Fighting againgst forbidden feelings. Lying out of insecurity. Falling in love and never admitting it. Being jealous. Never leaving me any other choice but to love him.
The new type of man is responsible, shows feelings, speaks up for himself, is surprisingly emancipated, dreams of one great love and keeps trying.
For this, my dear boys, I bow to you.
LE: This post was a thank you note for all the support I received from my friends over the last weeks, even if I was so stupid as to keep silence on my need for it. I am very thankful for having you, my dears.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Relationshitting myself again
I remember how I looked at her, sipping from her lemonade and looking straight at me when she was concluding on a very painful experience in her life:
"I have to walk away, or it will break me."
I also remember how much I admired her for a choice she made that I could have never made myself, as I am a fool in love like in many other things, and a dreamer until my dreams shatter on reality.
Fact is, sometimes I feel that I run out of love, and I wonder whether I hadn't wasted some of it on people who had absolutely no clue about that.
Because sheer ignorance is worse than malice, as it doesn't include a choice.
"I have to walk away, or it will break me."
I also remember how much I admired her for a choice she made that I could have never made myself, as I am a fool in love like in many other things, and a dreamer until my dreams shatter on reality.
Fact is, sometimes I feel that I run out of love, and I wonder whether I hadn't wasted some of it on people who had absolutely no clue about that.
Because sheer ignorance is worse than malice, as it doesn't include a choice.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
10 things I hate about you
-I hate it that you leave without a word, and come back if and when you want it.
-I hate that you always have your way, no matter what I say or think.
-I hate that you start 100 things and want to finish them all, regardless of any consequence.
-I hate that you wash your hair in the night and wake me up when drying it.
-I hate feeling that I lose you every single moment.
-I hate you forgetting to pay the bills, and that you have the practical sense of a potato.
-I hate you ignoring me when you drift away in dreams.
-I hate you watching movies at night when I desperately try to sleep, because you're sleep- and restless.
-I hate you eating biscuits in bed and spilling coffee on your pyjamas in the morning.
-I hate me loving you in spite of all the hate.
-I hate that you always have your way, no matter what I say or think.
-I hate that you start 100 things and want to finish them all, regardless of any consequence.
-I hate that you wash your hair in the night and wake me up when drying it.
-I hate feeling that I lose you every single moment.
-I hate you forgetting to pay the bills, and that you have the practical sense of a potato.
-I hate you ignoring me when you drift away in dreams.
-I hate you watching movies at night when I desperately try to sleep, because you're sleep- and restless.
-I hate you eating biscuits in bed and spilling coffee on your pyjamas in the morning.
-I hate me loving you in spite of all the hate.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
On honesty
Before starting, it must be said that I never was a 100% sincere person. And also, that I think whoever claims to always be sincere, is just more or less a hypocrite, which annuls the sincerity clause from the start.
There is a certain amount of untruth we all carry forward, whether from the desire to be liked more or from the fear of some fierce consequences of our actions (or inaction). Also, I think that people have more than one sincerity, depending on whom they are inter actioning with. That makes the whole "always be sincere" claim even harder to achieve, as our characters and dispositions are more or less a mirror of our dear ones, friends and lovers.
Not being without fault myself, it might seem hard to understand that I expect a high degree of honesty from my friends.
What I mean by that is that because friendship is entirely a matter of choice, there is nothing compulsory in it. You don't have to do things to impress the other, you needn't pretend to be something you're not, you needn't find excuses when you don't feel like talking. Well, let's just say you shouldn't have to :-).
When I love, I always love the person as a whole. What is generally known as "faults" are simply a matter of interpretation. I remember someone telling me once that he thinks the fact that I am too independent is a fault, while someone else loved just that about me. In the end, it all balanced out :-).So why pretend?
The great thing in a great relationship is that you are being loved for what you are.
There is a certain amount of untruth we all carry forward, whether from the desire to be liked more or from the fear of some fierce consequences of our actions (or inaction). Also, I think that people have more than one sincerity, depending on whom they are inter actioning with. That makes the whole "always be sincere" claim even harder to achieve, as our characters and dispositions are more or less a mirror of our dear ones, friends and lovers.
Not being without fault myself, it might seem hard to understand that I expect a high degree of honesty from my friends.
What I mean by that is that because friendship is entirely a matter of choice, there is nothing compulsory in it. You don't have to do things to impress the other, you needn't pretend to be something you're not, you needn't find excuses when you don't feel like talking. Well, let's just say you shouldn't have to :-).
When I love, I always love the person as a whole. What is generally known as "faults" are simply a matter of interpretation. I remember someone telling me once that he thinks the fact that I am too independent is a fault, while someone else loved just that about me. In the end, it all balanced out :-).So why pretend?
The great thing in a great relationship is that you are being loved for what you are.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Advice
Something I saw written on a T-shirt some time ago:
"Kiss more, think less".
In life, maybe thinking less is not adviceable, but in love, too much analysis gives rise to too many demons and insecurity.
So screw "Let's talk about us".
Sa ne iubim ca nebunii! Or, like some pet said some time ago: All's fair in love and war.
LE: The "pet" was Francis Edward Smedley, but to be honest, I have no idea who the guy was:).
"Kiss more, think less".
In life, maybe thinking less is not adviceable, but in love, too much analysis gives rise to too many demons and insecurity.
So screw "Let's talk about us".
Sa ne iubim ca nebunii! Or, like some pet said some time ago: All's fair in love and war.
LE: The "pet" was Francis Edward Smedley, but to be honest, I have no idea who the guy was:).
Introducing - the lizard.
The lizard can change its colour in order to fit perfectly in the surroundings. Adaptable and smart, she is still not a social animal - I mean, you don't see lizards lying together in the sun, just changing impressions over the warm, sunny day.
She has a smooth, shiny appearance, likes warm afternoons and cosiness and she can be inactive for days without finding anything unusual in that.
Still, her changing colours can be beautiful and breathtaking for an observer.
Most lizards are harmless to humans, but their inactivity can drive you mad if you try to live next to them. Lizards love to receive warmth from the sun, still their skin is cold and dry.
Her intelligence can leave you speechless sometimes, but it's still icy and pragmatic. I don't think I have seen any lizard show any sign of a feeling until now.
Fact is, I can't decide whether I like the lizard or not.
She has a smooth, shiny appearance, likes warm afternoons and cosiness and she can be inactive for days without finding anything unusual in that.
Still, her changing colours can be beautiful and breathtaking for an observer.
Most lizards are harmless to humans, but their inactivity can drive you mad if you try to live next to them. Lizards love to receive warmth from the sun, still their skin is cold and dry.
Her intelligence can leave you speechless sometimes, but it's still icy and pragmatic. I don't think I have seen any lizard show any sign of a feeling until now.
Fact is, I can't decide whether I like the lizard or not.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Thoughts over a shisha light
I take it all back, I am at wit's end. I know I'm a sunny person, that I plead for tolerance and for trying to understand what drives a person to particular actions and attitudes, hell, I'm even a fighter for risking his guts for another person, in order to be a real friend, but I'm fed up with all the cowards and freaks out there.
There's case one: of friends who get scared of more, let's call them "just friends", like the chick suggested. The "just friends" spend all their time together, they even sleep together, they give each other those deep looks and long hugs, they plan meetings with other friends when they can't meet each other (because one of them is 2000 miles away or something), but when referring to their relationship, they are "just friends". Of course one of them wants more, of course it will come to the big talk one day, and the "just friends" will end in tears just because the other one is a coward and doesn't want to take any risk of being hurt. And because he's playing games. And because he takes pleasure in being loved without any further commitment. F*ck off!
Case two: of friends. Real friends, no further feelings or wishes included. And one of them puts himself out there, really wants that the friendship goes further, wants to push limits and know the other one better, hell, even comes to knowing everything about him. But in return comes nothing. It's a damn pitty to always be the one who asks all the questions. One day, you just get tired of giving and not receiving anything back. So what do you do? You put your mind at rest, stop asking questions and give a big "F*ck off"-grin.
Case three: Friendships based on words and big phrases. Some guy tells you he would do anything for you. But then, when you call, he doesn't answer or pretends he's busy. Hell, if you want to draw borders, do that, but don't pretend you're something else! And most of all, don't lie in order to impress the other. Or else, f*ck off!
Case four: Saying something nice to a friend. Between friends it's only natural to say nice things, because it's only natural that you like the other. Telling a friend "I like to hold you" or "I like it when you smile" does not mean you are necesarily hitting on him. So no need to run and hide, or get scared that you could be come the above mentioned "just friends". It takes a good knowledge of the person next to you to accept a simple "I love you" without including "I want to have sex with you". If we get scared facing beautiful feelings, what chance do we have of finding real soulmates?
Cases five to two-hundred-twenty-seven are inspired from relationships. I won't get into that now, but I guess it's worth writing a book on them.
Guys, friendship is all about letting go. It's about recognizing borders and trying to get pass them, it's about knowing the other and making him happy,about being yourself and being honest, it's about taking risks and being free. And most of all it's about giving and taking. There's no poetry in friendship, there's only a peaceful feeling that you belong there. No strings attached, no hard feelings, no fear and no limits.
Can you put up with that?
There's case one: of friends who get scared of more, let's call them "just friends", like the chick suggested. The "just friends" spend all their time together, they even sleep together, they give each other those deep looks and long hugs, they plan meetings with other friends when they can't meet each other (because one of them is 2000 miles away or something), but when referring to their relationship, they are "just friends". Of course one of them wants more, of course it will come to the big talk one day, and the "just friends" will end in tears just because the other one is a coward and doesn't want to take any risk of being hurt. And because he's playing games. And because he takes pleasure in being loved without any further commitment. F*ck off!
Case two: of friends. Real friends, no further feelings or wishes included. And one of them puts himself out there, really wants that the friendship goes further, wants to push limits and know the other one better, hell, even comes to knowing everything about him. But in return comes nothing. It's a damn pitty to always be the one who asks all the questions. One day, you just get tired of giving and not receiving anything back. So what do you do? You put your mind at rest, stop asking questions and give a big "F*ck off"-grin.
Case three: Friendships based on words and big phrases. Some guy tells you he would do anything for you. But then, when you call, he doesn't answer or pretends he's busy. Hell, if you want to draw borders, do that, but don't pretend you're something else! And most of all, don't lie in order to impress the other. Or else, f*ck off!
Case four: Saying something nice to a friend. Between friends it's only natural to say nice things, because it's only natural that you like the other. Telling a friend "I like to hold you" or "I like it when you smile" does not mean you are necesarily hitting on him. So no need to run and hide, or get scared that you could be come the above mentioned "just friends". It takes a good knowledge of the person next to you to accept a simple "I love you" without including "I want to have sex with you". If we get scared facing beautiful feelings, what chance do we have of finding real soulmates?
Cases five to two-hundred-twenty-seven are inspired from relationships. I won't get into that now, but I guess it's worth writing a book on them.
Guys, friendship is all about letting go. It's about recognizing borders and trying to get pass them, it's about knowing the other and making him happy,about being yourself and being honest, it's about taking risks and being free. And most of all it's about giving and taking. There's no poetry in friendship, there's only a peaceful feeling that you belong there. No strings attached, no hard feelings, no fear and no limits.
Can you put up with that?
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Calling
Ring ring!
-Hi, honey!
-I've seen ducks on the street. And I stopped the car and let them pass slowly.
-That's so sweet.
-Yeah, ducks have to pay respect to other ducks.
Try not loving that! I dare you:)).
-Hi, honey!
-I've seen ducks on the street. And I stopped the car and let them pass slowly.
-That's so sweet.
-Yeah, ducks have to pay respect to other ducks.
Try not loving that! I dare you:)).
Just
-So, are you two guys dating?
-No, we're just friends.
Just friends?Wtf?There is no just friends, there is friends, it doesn't compare to anything else, so you needn't put the adjective "just" before.
Why do we consider friendship a downgrade of dating anyway?
-No, we're just friends.
Just friends?Wtf?There is no just friends, there is friends, it doesn't compare to anything else, so you needn't put the adjective "just" before.
Why do we consider friendship a downgrade of dating anyway?
Monday, March 31, 2008
Relationshitting
People do strange things out of fear of being alone. I guess the world around us moves so fast, that we sometimes feel the pressure to have something to stick to.
It hit me blatantly over the past period, when I’ve seen relationships (and also friendships) based on so many compromises and such ignorance of the other person’s character that it was actually just living his own loneliness next to another person.
People fool themselves into being in love, they stick to past and present relationships which in the best case didn’t make them happy and in the worst made them almost suicidal, they raise ghosts from the past out of fear of the shadows of the present, they turn back and turn around looking for some sign of familiarity.
Or they stick with what they got and try to change the stranger next to them into something that would give more sense to their loneliness.
Do I think it’s a good idea? Hellno! ...Guess it's an acknowledged truth that not being alone doesn't equal not being lonely.
Would I judge? Err…the (wo)man without fault should throw the first stone…
It hit me blatantly over the past period, when I’ve seen relationships (and also friendships) based on so many compromises and such ignorance of the other person’s character that it was actually just living his own loneliness next to another person.
People fool themselves into being in love, they stick to past and present relationships which in the best case didn’t make them happy and in the worst made them almost suicidal, they raise ghosts from the past out of fear of the shadows of the present, they turn back and turn around looking for some sign of familiarity.
Or they stick with what they got and try to change the stranger next to them into something that would give more sense to their loneliness.
Do I think it’s a good idea? Hellno! ...Guess it's an acknowledged truth that not being alone doesn't equal not being lonely.
Would I judge? Err…the (wo)man without fault should throw the first stone…
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Killing me softly
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“My seminar paper was a killer! “
“Wow, how’s that?”
“What can I say, I’m smart.Guess what else?”
“Tell me.”
“I broke a rib.”
“Say what?”
“Yepp, on my karate practice.”
“You started fighting?”
“Aaaaa, some two years ago.”
“Cool.”
“And guess what else?”
“What?”
“I’m single again.“
F*ck.
Two hours later, I had gone through one of the saddest experiences of the last period.
Having to comfort a bear who was left by a woman who was longing for more freedom, seeing one of the strongest and most gorgeous men I know broken and hurt, hearing him tell me that she was the first woman he loved after me, that he just can’t handle being alone right now, that he would start another relationship, but what if she came back to him?, seeing the wheel turn in such an ungrateful manner on his life, just broke my heart.
I wanted to comfort him, to hold him like a child and tell him it was only a bad dream and it ended, but I knew you just can’t fix a broken heart from the outside.
Also that it will work out eventually, that maybe she will realize she did a great mistake in leaving him, that it hurts now and it will get better, that at the end of the day we can bear more than we thought we could. That he’s too gorgeous to be sad.
But seeing him, the strong, optimistic, funny and full of energy man I know and love turn out to be so fragile, made me wonder: If love makes even a bear cry, what chance could the rest of us stand?
“What?”
“My seminar paper was a killer! “
“Wow, how’s that?”
“What can I say, I’m smart.Guess what else?”
“Tell me.”
“I broke a rib.”
“Say what?”
“Yepp, on my karate practice.”
“You started fighting?”
“Aaaaa, some two years ago.”
“Cool.”
“And guess what else?”
“What?”
“I’m single again.“
F*ck.
Two hours later, I had gone through one of the saddest experiences of the last period.
Having to comfort a bear who was left by a woman who was longing for more freedom, seeing one of the strongest and most gorgeous men I know broken and hurt, hearing him tell me that she was the first woman he loved after me, that he just can’t handle being alone right now, that he would start another relationship, but what if she came back to him?, seeing the wheel turn in such an ungrateful manner on his life, just broke my heart.
I wanted to comfort him, to hold him like a child and tell him it was only a bad dream and it ended, but I knew you just can’t fix a broken heart from the outside.
Also that it will work out eventually, that maybe she will realize she did a great mistake in leaving him, that it hurts now and it will get better, that at the end of the day we can bear more than we thought we could. That he’s too gorgeous to be sad.
But seeing him, the strong, optimistic, funny and full of energy man I know and love turn out to be so fragile, made me wonder: If love makes even a bear cry, what chance could the rest of us stand?
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Advice of the day
The best way to have friends is to be a friend.
[Special thanx to the turtle for being there for me today.]
[Special thanx to the turtle for being there for me today.]
Bear
Out of the blue, the turtle popped the question: “I think over the past period you changed, as you are not what I remembered you to be. Does it not affect your relationship with the duck?”
Shocker.
And- more of a shocker – my first reaction was to defend myself. I guess in some prospect I felt aggressed by the turtle’s question although, when looking back, I guess it was only some kind of give and take, as usually I was the one popping all uncomfortable questions:).
I fuzzed something about mutual trust and how two people who share so much can accept changes in the other.
But still, the question kept running through my head: How does your change affect the persons next to you?
I started this blog with writing about life and that as long as it bears change, it is worth living after all. But what about love? Is love meant to remain steady in times of change? If you change, will your feelings towards the person next to you remain constant? And moreover, will his feelings towards you remain the same? How much change does a relationship bear after all?
I went home and passed the question on to the duck. He raised an eyebrow: “you change, hellyeah, but I change too! So what?”
And suddenly it was all clear. Love bears change to the extent where the lovers don’t start wishing for different things in life. As long as you keep sharing the same dreams, you can bear change in the person next to you.
When looking back at my relationship with the duck, I guess that’s what kept us going for the past one thousand years since we’ve been together. We are two very distinct and extremely different persons who are bound to each other by the same dreams and hopes. Top that?
Shocker.
And- more of a shocker – my first reaction was to defend myself. I guess in some prospect I felt aggressed by the turtle’s question although, when looking back, I guess it was only some kind of give and take, as usually I was the one popping all uncomfortable questions:).
I fuzzed something about mutual trust and how two people who share so much can accept changes in the other.
But still, the question kept running through my head: How does your change affect the persons next to you?
I started this blog with writing about life and that as long as it bears change, it is worth living after all. But what about love? Is love meant to remain steady in times of change? If you change, will your feelings towards the person next to you remain constant? And moreover, will his feelings towards you remain the same? How much change does a relationship bear after all?
I went home and passed the question on to the duck. He raised an eyebrow: “you change, hellyeah, but I change too! So what?”
And suddenly it was all clear. Love bears change to the extent where the lovers don’t start wishing for different things in life. As long as you keep sharing the same dreams, you can bear change in the person next to you.
When looking back at my relationship with the duck, I guess that’s what kept us going for the past one thousand years since we’ve been together. We are two very distinct and extremely different persons who are bound to each other by the same dreams and hopes. Top that?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
On soul mates
“It’s just that we’re so damn different.”
He was looking away when he said that, and I didn’t know what to reply, for I know how it is to see how much separates you from a person (sometimes 2000 miles is the least you can put between you) and still know, deep inside, that he/she is your “the one” for the moment.
And I couldn’t help but wonder: if it is not the things we have in common that link us to the others, could it maybe be the things that drift us apart? Can you actually seek so much completion in another person that you fall for him just because he’s the total opposite of you?
And moreover, is this whole story with the soul mate you will someday find not in fact a great piece of bullshit? I mean, it presumes that there is another piece of you somewhere in the world and in order to be complete, you have to find it.
Two things annoy me at this theory:
He was looking away when he said that, and I didn’t know what to reply, for I know how it is to see how much separates you from a person (sometimes 2000 miles is the least you can put between you) and still know, deep inside, that he/she is your “the one” for the moment.
And I couldn’t help but wonder: if it is not the things we have in common that link us to the others, could it maybe be the things that drift us apart? Can you actually seek so much completion in another person that you fall for him just because he’s the total opposite of you?
And moreover, is this whole story with the soul mate you will someday find not in fact a great piece of bullshit? I mean, it presumes that there is another piece of you somewhere in the world and in order to be complete, you have to find it.
Two things annoy me at this theory:
1. It assumes you can’t find completion within your own soul. And it’s always a tremendous weight put on a relationship to wait for the other one to make you feel whole. “I can’t live without you” is not a form of love, it’s a form of dependence. “I can live without you, but I don’t want to” is the most beautiful love statement a person can make.
Love is not a puzzle where two pieces fit together. It’s moreover a synergy of two mature souls, who come together to build something new and beautiful.
2. It assumes you only have one soul mate. My dears, in my now almost one quarter of a century of living, I have found so many souls which fitted together with my own, that if I were to chose one of them to call my soul mate, I would probably have to rip off some of the most beautiful memories I have, for you can’t have such moments with persons who are not identical soul twins with yourself.
So let’s give love a chance after all, and enjoy the beautiful moments it gives us, without always looking for the perfect moment. For the most perfect moments in life always take you by surprise, as someone dear to me said.
“No need to run and hide, it’s a wonderful, wonderful life.”
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Don't feed the trolls - second edition
Having a fight with someone very dear* to me yesterday, I couldn't get it out of my head that love can't be the answer to every problem in the world. There are barriers between people that love can't pass, even if it's strong, pure and sincere.
What does then a good relationship make? When communication fails to reach the other one, and when the limit between wishing good and controlling fades, how do we keep our relationship healthy?
I once thought that true and sincere communication is the key to solving any conflict. That and granting the other the degree of personal liberty that he/she needs. Oh, and maybe also having the decency not to throw words towards the other which cannot be taken back (guess I missed this one yesterday...).
But what happens when your sincerity is thrown back at you? What happens when the other one is so deeply insecure of his life that he hides behind concepts that don't match yours? How do you truly and sincerely communicate to a person who's not even sincere with him/herself? How do you draw borders without actually keeping people out?
Are we in fact really capable of relationshipping? Or are we just relationshitting ourselves?
*Not the duck.
What does then a good relationship make? When communication fails to reach the other one, and when the limit between wishing good and controlling fades, how do we keep our relationship healthy?
I once thought that true and sincere communication is the key to solving any conflict. That and granting the other the degree of personal liberty that he/she needs. Oh, and maybe also having the decency not to throw words towards the other which cannot be taken back (guess I missed this one yesterday...).
But what happens when your sincerity is thrown back at you? What happens when the other one is so deeply insecure of his life that he hides behind concepts that don't match yours? How do you truly and sincerely communicate to a person who's not even sincere with him/herself? How do you draw borders without actually keeping people out?
Are we in fact really capable of relationshipping? Or are we just relationshitting ourselves?
*Not the duck.
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