Being other people's balancing soul

...came up today in a discussion with the ant:

"The maximum of of unbalance we can support in other people is our own amount of unbalance. More than that will frighten us." - by bob.

and

"We carry along this huge amount of inexplicable fears, no matter how brave we regularly are. Still, some overwhelming passions can make you forget about all fears and do astonishing things."- by the ant.

I missed the ant who can bring up such irresistible thoughts in herself and others.

Coulda woulda shoulda - a tribute to the ant

The most important good news of the last days is that the ant has started blogging again, and she does it in a kind of frenzy, posting ever more beautiful thoughts every day.

Although declared to be a cure against workaholism,I always knew that her blog was actually much more than that.

Blogging is our way to deal with the "coulda, woulda, shoulda"'s in our lives. And maybe to help us to a better understanding.

Meeting the ant yesterday (after some while of not seeing each other) lifted me up again. It put an end to an advanced phase of denial and struggling, of questioning and wondering, of coulda woulda shoulda.

I was writing some time ago that there are some people who make me feel better just through their mere presence. Make this a tribute to the ant, who more often than not makes me fly just by sitting in front of me and talking.

Relationshitting myself again

I remember how I looked at her, sipping from her lemonade and looking straight at me when she was concluding on a very painful experience in her life:

"I have to walk away, or it will break me."

I also remember how much I admired her for a choice she made that I could have never made myself, as I am a fool in love like in many other things, and a dreamer until my dreams shatter on reality.

Fact is, sometimes I feel that I run out of love, and I wonder whether I hadn't wasted some of it on people who had absolutely no clue about that.

Because sheer ignorance is worse than malice, as it doesn't include a choice.

Mine

Funny enough, while I was still chewing on this post, I took a quick glance at the ant’s blog, and she had wrote something very similar.
As usual when reading something the ant writes, I had the impression she had said it all and everything I might add to that would only be redundant and boring.

And still… I will write this for myself, in order to remember this feeling every time I feel lonely again.

The mountains make me happy.

Whether it’s because they are so still and grand and insert tranquillity into my restless little soul, or because their size makes me feel small and insignificant after all (a feeling of humbleness that I sometimes need in order to stop taking myself so serious) or because of their sheer beauty, never really being the same although they are the same for ages, fact is, in the mountains I always want to be alone, knowing that I will never feel lonely.
I am rarely so still and quiet as I am when I am climbing, and rarely my mind seems to function so clearly and flawless as in those moments. Fears I had for ages just fly away and complicated, “forbidden” feelings suddenly fit into place.

If we are the character that is easiest for us to bring through, I guess the real me would be the me sitting on the edge of a cliff staring at the white mountains on the horizon, saying nothing, as there would be nothing more to say.

Guess what Bob does tonight

This.

It's the most beautiful, boheme, eliberating gesture I have ever heard about.

Share

The ant: "Gorgeousness can and should be shared."

HERO OF THE DAY: The ant. Because she shares so much.

Important notice

After what seemed to me ages in which she didn't write anything, the ant is back and blogging more beautifully than ever.

Loves and hates (Volume II)

The ant aime aujourd'hui: "the tip of my nose being electrified when touched with a green smile, the warmth of my friends dancing around me, my toffee body butter that smells wonderful, the birthday of two dear ones."

The ant n'aime pas aujourd'hui: "friends going through some unhappy times (like Bob or C), my mother being in hospital, some people close to my office who live in an old Dacia, how things don't always work out my way and that I see old friends more seldom"

Check out the ant for more beautiful insights.

This chapter is dedicated to the ant

Talking to the puppy some good year ago, I told him how I couldn't stand impersonal spaces. And how, wherever I stay or work, I have to put my print on the place: a picture that is familiar and dear to me, an object that brings back happy memories, some sign of my present or past which I can relate to and which link the places I've been to between each other.

In this particular aspect I feel like in the Hänsel & Gretel, marking my way through life so that I can always find my way back - or forward.

However, there are people that mark the souls they relate with just the way I mark spaces.

The ant is one of them. You can't just meet the ant and move forward untouched, for she is such a persuading special person, that your soul is printed by hers automatically. It's like whatever you say or do, she will respond with some beautiful action or word, that will just make you feel good about yourself and the world around you.

For that, dear beautiful/warrior/smart ant, I thank you.

Todos me dicen el negro, Llorona, negro pero carinoso

Talking with the little monkey today about zzze moviezz we like, I remembered Frida. And how the movie itself, although pretty impressive, started to faze away in my mind after a some time, while the music to the film still occupies an important place in my life.

Guess pictures don't play such a great role for me. I register the world through sounds and smells, and while an amazing view startles me only for a limited period of time, sounds and smells bind much more realistic to memories.

Then, funny enough, the smart ant mentioned a very boheme German singer we both love to like, which reminds me of a very sadbutbeautiful period [on which we'll keep silence right now] and of also very boheme time in my life.

And then, the little monkey called me a boheme lost in accountancy.

Hmm...guess boheme is the new cool word of the day.

Helas, vive la boheme!